Adjustment and compromise are two interconnected processes that influence the dynamics of any relationship. The aforementioned two factors become necessary to survive any unfamiliar or foreign environment, be it our own family, roommates or romantic partners, and transform it into our own comfort space.

This week The Statesman comes with the marriage story of the Roys, who, because of their adjustment, compromise and non-materialistic outlook on life, have allowed them to stand together side by side for 22 years and are hoping to continue the same in the future.

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The husband, Govindo Roy, despite his family history filled with richnesses of zamindar roots in pre-partition Bangladesh, now financially belongs to the middle class. His journey has been marked by the dissolution of his initial business, turning him to seek employment at a private firm to make ends meet.

The couple is famous among their known ones for their minimal conflicts and harmonious communication, marking their verbal and mental gentleness toward one another. Govindo Roy, in the interview, narrates his feelings and thoughts starting from his first encounter with his wife in 2001, Rakhi Roy, to their marriage and how she gradually became the apple of everybody’s eyes within their family. As a husband, he could not be more proud, when his wife gets care and respect from almost all of his family members out of sheer love.

“My first thought when I met her was whether she would be able to adjust to a middle-class joint family or will she have high materialistic demands like many women have. And if she even tries to adjust, for how long will it be; Will it be a temporary adjustment; or will she be able to permanently get absorbed in our family, was a big question to me,” said Govindo, with a look of contentment towards his wife, Rakhi Roy.

He then adds, “However, the confusion was cleared up when I spoke to her and her family members, who were calm, composed and considerate. As a man with a keen sense of humour and lightness, I found myself drawn to her and her family, believing she would be a perfect match for me and an excellent addition to my family. I hope she must have considered me the same, which makes me a lucky man!”

The marriage took place a year later, on 1 February 2002, with the blessings and approval of the elders.

“Since it was an arranged marriage happening with the approval of the elders of both of our families, there was no hatred or family drama as such in our marriage. Despite that, petty fights, which are common in every other romantic relationship, have occurred. We have always successfully managed to sort those out by calmly talking it out,” says Rakhi.

The couple has previously embarked on extensive trips, but now, in keeping up with their financial abilities, can’t afford such things. Hence, to combat boredom, Govindo carves out time from his work schedule to take his wife on shopping excursions to nearby city malls and markets. For them, true happiness is not in gold and diamonds, but in spending time with each other.

The prominent challenging period for the couple was in 2011, the time when the firm in which Govindo worked ceased and hence he faced unemployment and financial hardship. It was his wife, Rakhi, who stood by his side and provided emotional and mental support for Govindo, who was disheartened at that time. However, with Rakhi’s encouragement, he applied for a new job and was fortunate to secure it and have been working there since then.

The couple then joyfully reminisces about their honeymoon, which they say will hold a special place in their hearts eternally.

On 19 February 2002, they toured Dooars for a week. Describing their honeymoon, Govindo says, “Back in the day, people were super shy about holding hands with someone of the opposite gender unless they were already married. It was like a Bollywood dream to hold hands, walk down a mountain road, go to a quiet place to enjoy nature and have deep conversations about life and love, and just sit by a waterfall and soak in the silence. You could not do such dreamy-like things until you are married and if you get married to the wrong person, that dream might be forever shattered! Luckily for me, I married the right person, and God made my Bollywood dream come true. Not only that, but I also found a life partner who supports me through thick and thin and isn’t materialistic, which is a rare find these days.”

In addition, the wife also presents her perspective on what a marriage should have and be like. She says, “Trust, honesty and friendship are the essential elements that can make a marriage work. Partners must not lie to each other and must be equally honest, supportive and adjustable about their past, their behaviour and their habits. Additionally, a genuine friendship can strengthen the foundation of such a relationship.”