Over the last two months, South Kashmir has been hit by militancy; our frontline warriors from the army are engaged in fighting insurgents. Young officers and jawans have laid down their lives. Last year on 22 November, 29- year-old Capt. Pranjal fell to the bullets of the enemy during a midnight operation to flush out terrorists who were hiding in a hut in the dense thicket of the Rajouri sector of Kashmir. Sensing danger to the lives of civilians, especially women and children, Capt.

Pranjal came out of his cover to pin down the terrorists, got caught in the volley of fire and laid down his life. A few days before that fateful day, a boulder had hit him during action; unmindful of the injuries he suffered, Capt. Pranjal headed back into action to protect his land. The foundations of such grit and commitment, the zeal to serve the nation comes from the family of these brave souls who sign up to die for the nation – “that I will observe and obey all commands … of any superior officer set over me, even to the peril of my life”. A young person marrying into the forces is aware that for the spouse it is the nation that comes first, and that he/she will lay down their life without a wink.

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A few decades ago, during a train journey from Delhi, our co-passenger was an army officer who was returning home after a posting in Siachen. He was going to see his ten-monthold daughter for the first time. My thoughts immediately went to his wife; enduring pregnancy and childbirth in the absence of her loved one. The birth of a child is a milestone in one’s life and the absence of the husband at such a momentous occasion is unfathomable. Most often, armed forces’ spouses handle life alone; pregnancy, childbirth, sleepless nights nurturing the infant, important occasions in children’s lives, first words, first steps, first days at school, birthdays, anniversaries, et al.

I am baffled when people complain about even small things in life. How oblivious people are to the conditions and sacrifices of the armed forces personnel who facilitate their comfort, safety and freedom. Most people assume that life in the armed forces is an endless stream of swish parties, liquor, bungalows and canteen facilities. The families of defence personnel are made of equally strong grit as those serving in uniform. The spouse shoulders responsibilities as a single parent. Dealing with their own insecurities and managing the children’s, is a daily affair. For those whose spouses are posted at the borders or on critical missions, the torment of an unwanted phone call hovers; the fear of bad news haunts them. Yet, they neither spread the fear nor let it get the better of them.

It is amazing to see the pride in the children of Defence personnel. For them, there is no greater hero than the one at home. Often, they are oblivious to the dangers that loom in the line of duty, not knowing if their hero would return wrapped in the Tricolour. I remember during the Kargil War, my young kids asked their dad if he would be fighting in the war. He didn’t say, “no, I’m in the Navy, and right now, it’s the Army that is fighting”. Nor did he say, “I’ve finished my sea postings, so I don’t have to go”. “I will go immediately if I’m called “, was his reply, ready to be at the service of the nation. The kids were too young to understand the gravity of the situation, but for them it was a matter of great pride if their father would be fighting in the war.

This is the case with all uniformed personnel of the Armed Forces and their families. Such readiness to be available to the nation comes first, everything else is secondary. Recently I asked a young soldier on duty in Kashmir, if he ever thinks of his family while heading into an operation. His reply melted me. He said, “I can only see my country (mera desh) and nothing else comes before me, I’m infused with courage and energy.” It is common in the armed forces, that by the time you unpack your belongings and set up the house, your next transfer order will be in hand. Nearly every three years, new postings are routine. In one year, we saw three transfers; we had to follow the ship as she moved ports.

Despite the displacement children experience – new school, new friends, new environment – there is a unique stability one can see in them. Their capability to adapt to situations and places is astounding. After the screening of my documentary film on the INA veterans, a middle aged lady raved about how patriotic her son was and how he loved the army. When I suggested to her that he should then join the army, pat came her reply “I’ve only one son, how can I let him go”. Maj. Akshay Girish who laid down his life during the terrorist attack at Nagrota in 2016, was the only son to Meghana and Wg.Cdr. Girish.

Despite knowing the risks and travails of serving in the army, his parents let him serve the nation. Seventeen members of Akshay’s family are from the armed forces. At the wreath-laying ceremony of Akshay at Bangalore, his 80- year-old grandfather, Lt. Col. Murthy said “this boy has achieved what we could not – martyrdom”. Twenty-two-year-old Vijayant Thapar laid down his life during an operation that captured the strategic post ‘Knoll’ in the Drass sector during the Kargil war. He knew death was lurking around the corner and even wrote a note to his parents. He was the fourth generation army officer in the family. Yes, there are people waiting to die for the nation, to die protecting her borders and her people. Families of Defence personnel are the backbone of our men and women in uniform. They don’t crave recognition, sympathy is the last thing they need.

My son, a student in the US, during a conversation mentioned to someone there that his father served in the Indian Navy. They immediately asked him to thank him for his service. When my son pointed out that he was in the Indian, not the US Navy, their reply was, “why should that matter. He served his country with honour, and is deserving of respect”. Contrast this with the way our men in uniform are being drawn into public discussion. I cannot forget what a politician once said on a television show “army is answerable to the people”. Yet another drew flak for saying those who have no food to eat join the army. Another celebrity said they signed up to die and that’s nothing great. Unshaken by these aberrations, the families stand by their sons and daughters and spouses to serve the nation first. They give them the strength to protect the nation and her people. All else is insignificant.

(The writer is an independent journalist.)