In recent years, the trend of “grey divorce” ~ or divorce “among older couples ~ has been on the rise. This trend has been the subject of much discussion and analysis, as it is a departure from the traditional understanding of divorce, which has typically been associated with younger couples. Rather than celebrating silver anniversaries, several couples in their 50s or above are going in for ‘silver separation’.

With grown-up children leaving home, retirement looming large and the empty nest syndrome hitting home, a rising number of couples are choosing to lead a life of emotional fulfilment ~ in their individual spaces. The grounds claimed for grey divorces include being fed up with prolonged torture, taunts, not getting respect, and others. Many adults feel that their marriages have differences, but due to social obligations and other issues, they maintain the connection with their partner.

However, after reaching old age, on looking back, they feel the relationships were full of abuse, nagging, loneliness, hard to understand, full of traumatic events, and lack of respect and values. What was once a hard choice after years ~ even decades ~ together, is now becoming an option that people are thinking about. In the last 10 years, the percentage of older divorce cases has almost doubled in India. In these times, terms like ‘personal happiness’, ‘personal space’ and ‘peace of mind’ have become important life goals. Without the distractions of work and children, these things become more apparent to couples who do not have any shared interests, children apart.

While uncommon in India, the prevalence of ‘Grey Divorce’ is increasing in the United States. In the shastras marriage was viewed as a sacrament. The relationship of husband and wife, once established through proper customs and rituals, was believed to be irrevocable. Marriage is an important social event from which a person starts his/her union. Marriage can protect mental health by giving people a greater sense of emotional support and care in their lives and allowing them to fill multiple social roles. Married people have higher levels of psychological and physical well-being than individuals who are single, separated or divorced. In India, marriage is the institution through which society provides legitimacy and ensures the smooth functioning of a family.

Societal sanctions and norms are transmitted through family members from generation to generation with various additions and deductions according to the belief systems of the era in which the society exists. One of the marked demographic trends observed in the 20th century is increased rate of divorce and changing marriage patterns. Urbanization, industrialization and education lead to a change in society, family structure and preoccupation of women in the labour force which helps them come out of unhappy marriages. Married persons are generally more secure and protected and they usually lead a more sober life than those who are unmarried. All these factors are thought to contribute to lower mortality rates among married persons.

But marriage is no longer a sacred word and divorce no longer a taboo. With the passage of time a large number of Indians opting for divorces. Several factors contribute to the rise of grey divorces. One of the most prominent is the emphasis on personal happiness and self-fulfilment which has gained traction over the past few decades. As life expectancy increases, many older adults reevaluate their relationships, questioning if they want to spend their extended golden years in an unfulfilling partnership.

Changes in societal roles have also played a part. With more women entering the workforce and achieving financial independence, the traditional dynamics of marriage have been challenged. The concept of staying in a marriage due to financial dependency is becoming outdated. Furthermore, life transitions such as the “empty nest” syndrome, where children leave home, often lead couples to reevaluate their relationship. With the daily responsibilities of parenting out of the way, many couples confront the reality of their compatibility or lack thereof. This introspection, combined with societal acceptance of divorce, has made it easier for older couples to part ways in search of individual happiness and growth.

The grey divorce trend is not exclusive to a single country. Countries like Canada, the UK, Japan, Europe, Australia, and India are witnessing similar patterns. Terms such as “silver splitters” in the UK and “Retired Husband Syndrome” in Japan highlight the global resonance of this phenomenon. These international trends underscore that the re-evaluation of marital relationships in later life is not just a cultural shift but a global one. Second marriages have a unique place in the grey divorce narrative. Interestingly, couples who embark on a second marital journey are up to 2.5 times more likely to face another divorce compared to those in their first marriages.

The reasons can be multifaceted. Some couples, having already experienced the process of divorce, might have fewer reservations about doing it again. Additionally, shorter marriages later in life, often resulting from second or third unions, tend to be more susceptible to dissolution. The complexities of blending families, managing combined assets, and navigating past traumas can also add strain to these unions. Divorce, regardless of age, can be emotionally taxing. However, for older adults, the psychological implications can be particularly profound. Many grapple with feelings of loneliness, especially if they have been in a partnership for decades.

There is also the challenge of redefining one’s identity outside the context of a marital union. On the flip side, staying in an unhappy marriage can have detrimental health effects. Chronic stress, often stemming from marital discord, has been linked to a host of health issues, from heart disease to depression. As the saying goes, “It’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years.” For many, the pursuit of personal happiness and well-being in their later years outweighs the societal pressures of staying in an unsatisfying marriage. The grey divorce revolution represents more than a passing societal trend; it reflects our modern world’s shifting values, priorities, and evolving definitions of life’s stages.

As the traditional boundaries of marriage change, older adults are boldly advocating for their right to happiness, fulfilment, and personal evolution, even if it means ending a decades-long relationship. Divorce, especially in the later stages of life, is a profound and multifaceted decision. It is critical to embark on this journey with comprehensive information, solid support, and a clear understanding.

Consultation with an experienced divorce attorney can provide invaluable insights, ensuring that one’s rights and interests are protected. Along with seeking legal advice, looking into support groups or engaging in introspection can help with the transition. Finally, the path to closing one chapter and beginning another after divorce can be a transformative experience filled with empowerment, growth, and a fresh sense of purpose.

(The writer is with Eastern Institute for Integrated Learning in Management (EIILM), Kolkata)