Months after being diagnosed with cancer and having maintained a silence over it for a long time, actor Irrfan Khan has finally spoken up. His fans and colleagues were jolted when news came in March this year that Irrfan had been diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumor. Still, under treatment in a London hospital, the actor has shared his experience of coping with the cancer.

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Irrfan Khan gave an insight to his condition to Times of India in an emotional note. The actor said: “I had been in a different game, I was travelling on a speedy train ride, had dreams, plans, aspirations, goals, was fully engaged in them. And suddenly someone taps on my shoulder and I turn to see. It’s the TC: “Your destination is about to come. Please get down.” I am confused: “No, no. My destination hasn’t come.” “No, this is it. This is how it is sometimes”.

“In this chaos, shocked, afraid and in panic, while on one of the terrifying hospital visits, I blabber to my son, ‘The only thing I expect from ME is not to face this crisis in this present state. I desperately need my feet. Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable.’ That was my INTENTION. AND THEN PAIN HIT.” Irrfan continued.

Talking of his experience in hospital, he said, “As I was entering the hospital, drained, exhausted, listless, I hardly realised my hospital was on the opposite side of Lord’s, the stadium. The Mecca of my childhood dream. Amidst the pain, I saw a poster of a smiling Vivian Richards. Nothing happened, as if that world didn’t ever belong to me. I was left with this immense effect of the enormous power and intelligence of the cosmos. The peculiarity of MY hospital’s location – it HIT me. The only thing certain was the uncertainty. All I could do was to realise my strength and play my game better.”

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“A realisation that the cork doesn’t need to control the current. That you are being gently rocked in the cradle of nature,” Irrfan concluded.

The Blackmail actor is currently in London undergoing treatment of his rare disease.

On the work front, Irrfan was supposed to kickstart the shooting of Vishal Bhardwaj’s next film, which also features Deepika Padukone. But after the actor announced his condition, the shooting was put on hold.