Loss has a way of changing people in different ways. It takes time to process and its effect can manifest in everyday lives in numerous ways. Such was the case with Bollywood star Varun Dhawan whose Driver, Manoj passed away in his arms. Varun shared a close bond with Manoj who had been with him for 26 years. Looking at his driver’s death in retrospect, Varun believes it burst the bubble around him.

In a recent conversation with Ranveer Allahabadia, Varun Dhawan got real about dealing with loss and how it altered his personality. Having witnessed a casual passing in front of his eyes, the actor’s purview of life changed. “For the longest time, I was living in a bubble.” Varun used to think he understood the ways of life, but that changed for him overnight. He believed he understood life, but Manoj’s death altered his perspective completely. “There is a Varun Dhawan before and after 35.” Fighting back tears, Varun recalled, “I used to see myself in an idealistic way—that I’m a hero, and I can save the day because I literally play a hero onscreen. But on that day, I failed myself.”

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“I was very close to Manoj, who was my driver for many years. He passed suddenly while we were working. I did CPR. We took him to Lilavati Hospital and we got him there on time. It was like we saved someone’s life. But he passed away in my arms. It was hard to see how casual was his passing. It just happened like that.”

The sudden passing of Manoj did not just reflect in Varun’s personal but also his professional life. “If you see my work also became less. I am having a release after two years. Baby John is releasing in theatres after two years. It definitely hit me hard.” To understand his grief, the actor took to reading religious scriptures and texts. “I realized you have to move forward as a human being. These incidents shake you, but you can’t stay stagnant. I began reading the Bhagavad Gita, Mahabharata, and Ramayana—just randomly—because I had so many questions.”

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In a previous interaction with India Today, Varun Dhawan revealed how his driver’s death affected him mentally. While Manoj was sick during COVID, he recovered. However, in an unfortunate incident, just a week after his recovery, he succumbed to a heart attack.

On the work front, Varun’s latest film, ‘Baby John’ is releasing on Christmas Day, December 25.