While rom-coms might have made you believe in the notion that you’ll find your perfect match and fall in love the moment you lay your eyes on them, and then after a climax full of tears and happy songs, you will get your happily ever after, love and marriage in the real world are worlds apart from any rom-com you will ever see.

So, how do you make a marriage work? That’s a question we wanted to seek an answer to as well, and that’s what got us talking to Saheli Mitra, a journalist, writer and business owner who’s in a league of her own. “It was never love at first sight,” Saheli Mitra said when asked how she met her husband, to whom she has been married for more than 20 years. She met her husband, Subhabrata Nandi, when they were just 16 at a tutorial centre while gearing up for the Madhyamik exams in 1990. “I was my school topper, while he had no such deep affinity for study. He used to ask for my notes, and because we did not have personal cell phones back then, we used to talk very little on the phone. We were friends back then. Even in the 11th and 12th standards, although we were in different schools and had different subjects (I took up science, and he took up commerce), we used to have group studies for English and Bengali and used to hang out with the rest of our common friends, having our houses almost in the same neighbourhood.”

While talking fondly about the old days, she said that it was probably during the college days when she was studying at Lady Brabourne College and her husband in St Xavier’s that they started developing feelings. His college used to end early, and she used to miss a few of her classes so that they could spend some quality time together. “He was there for me throughout when I lost my brother to malaria just two months before my final year exam in 1995. He was my biggest support then.”

However, tragedy struck their relationship as well when they parted for six years and went their own individual way, trying to shape their careers and lives, with Saheli Mitra working as a journalist and a feature writer at a renowned media house and her husband trying to make it as a CA. “My parents and relatives had then started looking at possible marriage prospects for me, but I was a rebel and was resilient to such advances because, deep down, I knew Subho was the perfect match for me.”

It was in 1997–98 that their fates intertwined again. “His friend called me up, saying that he had cracked CA and was moving to Bombay. Subho then called me up the same day, and we met.”

We then asked with a nervous breath, “Did your husband leave for Bombay then?”

“Nope. He never left for Bombay and worked hard to secure a job in Kolkata.”

They got married in 2000. But it doesn’t end there. So, how do you make your marriage work? What are the pillars of a strong marriage? According to her husband, Subhabrata Nandi, for a marriage to work, friendship, trust and understanding between the two partners are of crucial importance. He adds, “Your love should evolve along with your marriage.” Saheli Mitra shares the same views and adds that marriage is also about growing as individuals and as a team with the times and needs, knowing when to compromise and stick to one’s ideas and notions, and also about feeling certain in one’s heart and mind that you have a person to rely on at all times. “I always had a strong mind of my own, and Subho had never tried to enforce his opinion on me. He always understood and respected what was important to me, and rather than opposing or trying to force his thoughts on me, he became my ally and made others understand where I was coming from. And lastly, I think honesty and a sense of belonging are other key factors for a marriage to work.” she concludes.