As they say, “You are not just marrying one person, but the whole family”. Being a part of a new family, particularly a joint family, requires patience and adjustments and can gradually be everyone’s cup of tea if proper love and respect are given and received from both ends.
Yet, in contrast to a majority of Indian daily soap operas, which frequently portray stereotypical family drama that many women in the country can relate to, the evolving lifestyles and job responsibilities of both men and women have shifted the scenario in a more progressive direction, where in-laws are loving and supportive.
This week, we share the marital journey story of Rajendra Khandelwal, the founder of Dhanwantary Medicare, one of Kolkata’s oldest pharmacy chains, and his wife, Shashi Khandelwal, who have been well-adjusted in a joint family, always supporting each other through thick and thin, straight for 40 years.
Just like any other arranged marriage in the country, their initial meeting was arranged by both their families, wherein they had a formal introduction and found common ground through discussions about food habits and hobbies. As their conversations unfolded, they gradually discovered a mutual attraction and growing interest in one another, upon which they agreed upon marrying each other.
Shashi Khandelwal reminisces about her initial encounter with her husband. She says, “At first, I was a little scared and nervous, but his straightforward and genuine nature made me comfortable. He said that he was not interested in her troubled past but would love to know the cherished school days’ moments. It may sound old-school, but I found the ideal man of my dreams, who is responsible and career-focused, and to my delight, he too desired a partner who embraces traditional values and is willing to embark on a life within a middle-class joint family.”
The marriage finally took place on 2 December 1984, in the Hooghly district of West Bengal. As the couple mentioned, the marriage followed every Hindu ritual in the presence of both of their families, including the most sacred ritual of ‘Saat Phere’ where they promised each other a lifelong commitment to love, respect and support each other in every aspect of life.
Initially, after marriage, it was a little hard for the couple to make their lives satisfactory and static. The husband was going through a challenging period with his newly opened pharmacy just 6 months ago, while the wife struggled to keep up not only with his strict time schedules but also with the family’s. However, with initial confusions and hic-ups, it took initially two to three years to settle down and to understand each other’s point of view, priorities and beliefs.
Shashi says, “I understood what real love is in 2018, when my husband was declared terminally ill and required surgery. I was very depressed. I understood the real meaning of the true relationship between two living souls. I feel blessed to have him in my life.”
“To us, absolute trust, tolerance, transparency and support do the magic in creating a perfect bond and relationship. The arrival of our first child made me realise the true meaning of the institution of marriage and the importance of a joint family,” adds Rajendra.
No one in this world is pure and perfect. Therefore, it is beneficial to have people in our lives who can identify our imperfections and motivate us to make a fresh start. A joint family may serve as a good option. It is almost like a mini-society, where you get to see people from diverse backgrounds and temperaments and may help us to learn to love and respect despite differentiations.