Marriages are made in heaven—this is something that we are well-versed in when it comes to commitment, love and marriage, whether it be love or arranged. When it comes to staying committed and bridging the communication gap, the generation now has it much easier with video calls, messages and phone calls being their multiple sources, but what about the generation then? Before emails and phones arrived, heartfelt letters were the only form of communication that helped individuals portray and convey their longing and love. This is one such story of Anupam Neogi and Vidya Neogi, who never let distance be the full stop to their cherished love.
They met when they were children, and Anupam Neogi’s father and Vidya’s uncle were close friends. Playing together and meeting each other at family events, they probably would have never guessed that they would fall in love later. Fast forwarding to the early 1980s, when Anupam’s family had already settled back in Kolkata, Vidya used to come to Kolkata for trips with her family, while Anupam used to do the same, taking trips to Delhi and meeting old friends there. “We were in class 11, and Vidya had actually come to Kolkata, and I guess that was the time when we started developing feelings for each other. She soon had to go back, but we promised that we would keep in touch.” But how? With no phones or any possible source of communication, how did you manage to survive the long distance? “Letters,” he said.
Having no access to telephones, letters were the only solace that both of them shared. Anupam says, “I used to write in Hindi because she was well-versed in it only, and each letter used to take five-six days to reach each recipient. We almost had it calculated and knew when and on which day we would both be receiving letters. I used to check the letterbox, making sure I did not miss out on her letters. This is the late 90s I am talking about.” He even shares that, saving some amount from his pocket money every month, he used to call Vidya once every three months on her neighbour’s telephone. “STD calls were expensive back then, and we used to talk for only a few minutes every four months, but that was enough. Hearing her voice, even for a few minutes, was enough.”
But every great romance tale faces hardships, and they have faced theirs, too. With trying to build their careers to the distance, everything played against the tide, leading to a rift in their relationship. It was in 2009, with a phone call from Vidya, that the distance was again bridged. Anupam adds, “We decided then that we wanted to take the next step, and on 10th March 2010, we got married. But the journey there wasn’t an easy one at all. My mother wasn’t really happy with the marriage, but after much coaxing up and trying to make her understand how happy I would be with her, she finally agreed.” Even the story of their marriage is unique. Getting married in Delhi, Anupam says that they travelled the next day to Kolkata so the reception could be held on the 12th.
Vidya notes how difficult it was to settle into a Bengali household as a Delhi girl. She says, ”The food, the culture, everything was different. We used to have non-vegetarian food once every few months, but here, fish is such a crucial part of the diet. It took me time to adjust. Also, the language. Before, when my brother-in-law and my husband used to speak in Bengali, I failed at deciphering anything. But now? I can not only understand but speak Bengali too!”
After being married for so many years, what do you think makes a marriage last? “Compatibility and respect for each other,” says Anupam, while Vidya notes, “Friendship and space are both equally important. You might be a mother, a wife, or a daughter-in-law, but make sure to keep some time aside for yourself,” Anupam adds. “My father always says family is the foundation of everything. You will face several trials and tribulations in life; you always should know how to keep the family together; they will breathe life into you.”