When it comes to marriage, perhaps the secret sauce that makes your marriage work might differ from how it works for others. With the honeymoon phase over, just like a marriage evolves, two people and their responsibilities evolve as well. Whether it’s worrying about the upbringing of their child or whether you have done well in your appraisal, whether there will be an increment or how much you saved for your health and retirement plan, we almost always forget to take a moment and decipher the health of one’s marriage and relationship. However, couples who have passed the quarter-century know that more than a fancy car or an expensive retirement plan, what matters for a successful marriage are a few basic principles and learnings.
“For both the partners, adjustment should be at the forefront.” says both Rita and Ashoke Nath Banerjee. Married in the year 1984 on 11 August, they had known each other since 1970 when Rita Banerjee used to visit her husband’s home as a friend of his sister. “We used to see each other often but never had much of a conversation. I used to frequent his home since my school days. I lost my father when I was just seven, and back then it was on my elder brother to run the family; hence, luxury was something that we could not afford. It was my sister-in-law’s father, my father-in-law, who took me on a trip with his family to Puri.” Ashoke Nath Banerjee adds, “She was beautiful and so kind; how could you not fall for her?”
It wasn’t until he was visiting his brother in Nepal that the talk about his marriage started. He finally told his family that he was interested in marrying Rita Banerjee. How do you think your marriage has evolved over the years? “In so many ways” they both add. “Adjustment is probably the first thing that makes a marriage successful followed by friendship and trust. You cannot be partners without being friends first. During our days, women were mostly housewives, and for us, probably the biggest challenge was managing everything smoothly with whatever our partner earned. Nowadays, both partners are working, yet they fight over the most trivial things. This probably happens because both are working and earning, and both end up considering their money as only their money. When it comes to marriage, you need to share every aspect with each other whether it’s financial, emotional and everything else.” says Rita Banerjee to which her husband added, “Understanding matters to me a lot. You probably share different opinions, but respecting what your partner believes in is important. You cannot make a marriage work if you continue to force your opinion on your partner.”
After so many years of marriage, do you still fight? “Oh the essence of any marriage is how much you fight, and we fight a lot, even now. But, we have grown so much with each other that even after a fight, we do not usually let it linger. We just casually start talking again as if the fight had never happened.” (To which her husband added, ‘Oh, but I have a different understanding of how our fights end because it’s always me who ends up making it up to her.”)