While the world of rom-coms would tell you that falling in love takes one glance and sustaining a relationship with love for each other and gestures is enough, in reality, sustaining a relationship and a marriage is a different ball game altogether. A lot of hard work goes into making marriage work when reality hits and the honeymoon phase is over. “50–50 partnership is probably the most crucial thing in a marriage that one needs to understand,” says Sanjay Hazra.
Kakali and Sanjay Hazra started courting each other in 1993. “We were working at the same place that time, and he actually came to me with the proposal of someone else, but I ended up falling for him,” says Kakali. Describing her husband as someone who is extremely honest, she adds, “For this generation, I think communication is so convenient and easy; it wasn’t like that when we were courting each other. There was no question of a phone, so no phone calls; he used to pick me up after work, and dropping me off at the train station was probably the only time we got together, but that was enough.” Sanjay adds, “She was so bubbly when I saw her. She sometimes used to get late, and I remember, with a small face and curly hair, she used to run from the gate to her workplace.”
Married on 26 February 1997, both of them narrate the humorous incident that happened during their wedding, even though, at that time, the incident did result in a panicky and apprehensive situation. “The auspicious time of our wedding was at 9:15 p.m. He was actually coming from Bolpur to Baruipur; the distance was quite a long one. We did not have phones back then, so we weren’t aware that he and his relatives had gotten lost after reaching Howrah. My whole family was panicking because the groom hadn’t arrived even at 9. Generally, the first thought that comes to everyone’s mind is something negative, and that is exactly what happened. It was 9:10, and he had still not arrived. It was, I think, 9:12 p.m. or something when everyone shouted that the groom had arrived. We were so relieved.” (To which Sanjay Hazra, sitting beside her, replied in a bickering tone, “‘Oh, so you thought I was going to run away?”)
Pondering the question when asked how their marriage had evolved over the years, Kakali commented, “Convincing our parents for our marriage was not easy. Financial inequality was a major factor. My parents used to think that I would not be happy or comfortable with him. But how does that matter when you know honesty, loyalty and effort are just a few things that your partner is giving you through and through? Even two months before we got married, we were not sure whether we would be able to get my parents’ blessings or not.” to which Sanjay Hazra added, “My family loved her. My mother and my sisters; however, I always feared whether I would be able to keep her happy or not in comparison to everything she has done for me.”
How do you resolve your fights? “You can only resolve flights when both are equally bickering, mad or fighting, and that does not happen in my household. I am the one who easily gets mad, and he is the one who just listens to me talking heatedly.”
Is there any advice you would love to give individuals who are embarking on a new journey with their partners in life? Kakali says, “Maintain transparency always. It will not be an easy ride, but knowing the person, understanding your partner, and maintaining trust and transparency can make the journey a bit easier.” to which Sanjay Hazra added, “There are a few things that today’s generation needs to understand. Partnership in a marriage is important. Share responsibilities; share everything with your partner; marriage works 50–50; and another thing would be sacrifice. When you love and respect your partner, sacrifice and compromise will happen without you even realising it, and the last would be not to listen to what outside people have to say. The more you do, the more you will stray.”