— Robert Browning
They make sure to wake you up when you ask them to (most of the time way before the delegated time); they ensure you do not miss your meals (hence, the moment you come home from another city, the only thing your soul craves for is a home-cooked meal); they make sure you have everything you will need; they go above and beyond for you every day, every time, and every moment. Mother, considered a superwoman, God-sent, an angel, nurturing, caring, and loving, is a role that is often stereotyped, for it is ‘assumed’ that this is how mothers should always be. But can we ever fit inside a box the qualities our mothers have, the sacrifices they have made, and, above all, how much of them have actually been recognised? A discourse on how motherhood is often gender stereotyped is crucial for mothers cannot always be compassionate, caring and ‘perfect’; mothers, in all senses, are humans, and that means flaws, guilt, stress, and anxiety are just a few shades present in them as well. As we ‘celebrate’ our mothers’ today, The Statesman got talking to a few amazing ‘ma’s’ who speak about what motherhood means to them and, above all, how these women are slowly evolving and changing the stereotype and cliche associated with motherhood in their own accord.
“Motherhood for me was always about fulfilling my womanhood. It’s not that I got married and wanted to be a mother; the feeling was always there, so even if I had not gotten married, I would still have wanted to be a mother. After I gave birth to my son, I went for both surrogacy and adoption, but somehow it did not work out for me. Apart from being a mother to my biological son, I am a mother, in a way, to 20 adopted kids in the Sunderbans as well, where my husband and I fund all their needs. However, one thing being a mother has taught me is that this role is often taken for granted. It is unnecessarily glorified to make a mother feel guilty if she is unable to perform a task. I had to join work 1.5 months after my pregnancy, and therefore, I had to keep my child with my parents, and I faced that guilt as well. As a mother, you are expected to feed the child and work simultaneously at home and at your workplace, and that glorification is wrong. This has a huge impact on mental health. It is important to remember that as a woman, just like you are a mother, you are your own self as well.”
— Saheli Mitra (Journalist, writer, and business owner)
“Motherhood is unadulterated love. Motherhood is something that, no matter how many books you read, you can never really prepare for. Once you become a mother, for most of us, life becomes centred around the child. Hence, motherhood often becomes overemphasised, and for a mother, it is a constant struggle to be a mother yet regain her own individuality. After I went back to the workforce, the guilt was there that I was not doing enough or giving enough, and the priorities changed. Although I did leave work after joining back after pregnancy, I never had any regrets. In fact, I say motherhood is what pushed me into writing my debut book; it gave me a new birth. In my household, there are no gender roles. It is always Ma can do everything and Baba can do everything, and that I think has helped me bring up a sensitised child.”
— Amrita Mukherjee (Writer)
“Being a mother to a 1.5-year-old has been nothing more than an adventure. Whatever I had in mind in terms of motherhood during pregnancy had been completely overturned after I took him in my arms. But the guilt does work, especially because I am a working mother. I always end up scrolling through his pictures on the phone while at work, and priorities change as well. Before, I used to love staying out late at night, but now, it’s how fast I can come home to be with him. Also, for a mother, getting support from the family is extremely crucial, and my mother-in-law handles everything for me. My mother-in-law is a huge support system, and I think her handling my child and not making me feel guilty for it is a huge reason why I can still follow my ambitions and grow in my career without always having to worry about how my child is doing.”
— Barnali Ghosh (IT professional)
“Motherhood is a long journey, and along with your child, you grow as well. I have been a single mother since the day I gave birth to my son, and back then, being a single mother was a challenge. I remember when I took my son for school admission, he was denied on the grounds that there was no father present in his life. From giving up my ambitious job just so that I could be with him more to fighting against society and everyone and trying to be a mother and a father both, every step has been a challenge, but now that I see my son and know that I have brought out the best in him, it makes all the struggle worth it. Whatever I have left behind, I have not regretted it a single day, but I want everyone to understand that rather than glorifying motherhood, comprehend first what a mother goes through, be by their side, and share the responsibility.”
— Sanchita Roychowdhury (PR professional)
“Motherhood isn’t easy. Being a mother to two daughters, I have always tried my best to be their best friend rather than just a mother. When they were little, I always used to hear, being a mother to two daughters, who would look after you when you grow old? But now, seeing them stand on their own two feet, being good human beings, I know every struggle was worth it. Also, in many households, gender roles are extremely pronounced, and even though I have always been a stay-at-home mother, my husband has always shouldered the ‘parent’ responsibility with me.”
— Sonali Roy (Homemaker)